i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i drank out of a bidet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
