Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
