I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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