Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
