I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
