This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
