She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
