yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can't special order awesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
