did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
