Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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