Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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