Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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