Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
