u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
