Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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