Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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