that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
