I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
