I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
