Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
