a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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