Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Alive.
So much puke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
