did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
