I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
