We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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