Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
