does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
