I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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