i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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