his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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