All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
