now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
