Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
