He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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