So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
