Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
