I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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