Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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