My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
