Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
