Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
