go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
