then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You made out with two different species that night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
