Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
