All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
