Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

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(517): View more from Michigan

when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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(650): View more from California

i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I wish life had little blips of pornography

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?

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(253): View more from Washington

I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?

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