My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
