i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
