I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
