Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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