No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
